Review: VOIDGAZING by mk zariel

I recently had the pleasure of attending a reading featuring the poet mk zariel, and it was such a genuinely life-affirming experience that it sparked a new appreciation for poetry in me. I've been really interested in the ways minors describe their own experiences and processes of self-construction, and I could actually feel myself vibrating with excitement listening to it speak.

Afterward, zariel asked me to review VOIDGAZING, its micro-chapbook published by Whittle Micropress. This struck me as something akin to a mathematician asking me to review a proof. (Sure, but what do I know?) But, as it turns out, I do have many thoughts!

VOIDGAZING is a coming-of-age story without beginning or end. A typical narrative goes something like this: the subject starts with a settled identity, largely defined by others. They go through a period of flux where they grow through incremental exposure to new experiences. Then they arrive at a new identity, largely defined by themselves. But zariel narrows in on the period of flux and asks: what if it was infinite? What if you're exposed to everything at once, all the time, forever? Every thirst trap and war crime. Every crucial insight and dumb idea. The possibilities are infinite, but so are the rules and restrictions. So, who are you now?

zariel takes abstract concepts (self, other, panopticon, platforms, etc.) and breathes life into them. The panopticon is an interesting character: just like the self, it shifts form depending on the circumstances. There's the social level explored in "voidgazing" (the poem): "The group chat glowed, pulsating like the amorphous void I liked to picture when I was anxious, and it was hard not to feel watched." Every action (and lack thereof) scrutinized by a shapeless blob of friends and acquaintances; every word precisely the wrong thing to say. Relief is rare and fleeting.

Another deeper level of the panopticon is present in digital infrastructure. zariel describes various internet platforms as places for socialization and, simultaneously, characters in themselves. The Discord server in "group chat epiphany" is a kind of frat house. Reddit in "on learning there are only two genders" is a self-aggrandizing know-it-all. The Google form in "a website asked my preferred name" is a perhaps slightly more welcoming interlocutor who nonetheless still fails to grasp the infinitely fluctuating nature of identity. In this way, the void is oddly constrained: it's interested in your data, of course, but won't make room for your whole self.

zariel navigates all of this and more, oscillating between irreverence and aching sincerity. The poems are concise, but they cut right to the heart of the impossibility of self-definition in a digital age. Where is the self located? What are its components? Is it constructed positively (by affirming what you are) or negatively (by cutting away what you aren't)? Where does it end & the other/collective/society/panopticon begin?

I found it all to be thoughtful, heartbreaking, and deeply impressive.

You can buy VOIDGAZING here, and find out more about mk zariel here. A copy of VOIDGAZING was provided by the poet for this review.